- Brené Brown in "The Gifts of Imperfection"
This morning I had a brief and meaningful conversation with one of my students. I have noticed lately mostly middle-aged adults talking about their dreams, sadly some say that their lives have not turned out how they had imagined and that this was a large source of anxiety and depression. Some spoke about feeling as if they were in a cycle, at times complacent with their current state, at other times extremely frustrated and unable to create change.
After listening in for a moment, one of the students asked me what my dream was. She wanted to see if I was headed in the direction of my dreams and hear that it is actually possible to live the life of your dreams. I do not have all the answers and I do not know if it is possible to live your whole life within the realms of your ever-changing dreams.
What I do know is that I do have dreams, but I treat them more as goals. I know that I can change my goals and they will change as I grow. What I put much more effort into is the steps in between the goals or the "dreams" making sure that I am not getting stuck in the past or the future, or what others believe I should be doing. We are adaptable, transformative and strong. When we cling to ideas or aspirations we can easily miss the surprising and delightful learnings that arise when our dreams do not come to life.
Even the most connected and self-aware individuals end up in places that they never wanted to be. At times I voluntarily place myself in scenarios because it is what I think I should be doing, it makes me look good. This is called being inauthentic, and it is a practice to ditch the safety of inauthenticity and start being real. Being inauthentic does not make you a bad person, it is a behavior and it is human. Being authentic is courageous and gradual.
If we trade in our authenticity for the safer route it is easier at first glance. Eventually it will become exhausting and we put ourselves at higher risk for anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment and inexplicable grief (Brene Brown, Gifts of Imperfection). It is the practice of authenticity that can lead us to living wholeheartedly. Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are. It is also a rational behavior, not a self-centered one.
It may seem overwhelming to choose authenticity because we live in a society that is very inauthentic. Choosing authenticity would be brave, you risk rejection, fear, lack of trust, ridicule and misunderstanding. However, when you make it through the swamp and become resilient (not letting judgement get under your skin) you will feel energized and free, because you are not having to play chameleon to please the people around you anymore. Again, this is not a self-centered thing, it is actually something that we must practice in order to feel balanced. The truth must come out in some form or fashion, bottling it inside leads to those ailments mentioned above.
E.E. Cummings wrote: “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”
You will never reach authenticity because it is not a place it is a behavior. Authenticity, is a practice that is up to you. I too struggle with authenticity, it is part of the human experience. To integrate authenticity back into your life, here are a few steps you could try from some of my favorite writers and business people:
Kelly O'Brien:
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4378/5-Ways-to-Become-Your-Authentic-Self-Today.html
Katie Freiling:
http://katiefreiling.com/5-steps-to-authentic-power/
August Turak:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/augustturak/2011/07/19/the-8-steps-to-authentic-leadership/
