In the past I was certain that I was plagued by super senses. The ability to hear quiet noises that no one else can, taste flavors unnoticed by most and see in high-def. Noises, such as the upstairs tenants roomba perusing ALL DAY still really ticks me off sometimes!
While those around me would probably agree that I have more buttons to be pushed than most people, I thought that my annoyances were legitimate. They would actually take away from my ability to be present. What I have since discovered is how to choose, not to let them.
It has taken far too many venting sessions and pissing off of people around me than it should have. People getting annoyed and frustrated at me for complaining about how I was feeling annoyed and frustrated. There are plenty of products and methods that I have tried to avoid a run in with my pet peeves (loud music, headphones, sleep masks). I was never truly successful in tuning out what was setting me off. Through my loud music I would watch someone across the train smack their gum and convince myself that I heard it. The most trivial things could set me into reactivity.
When I started to allow these things to consume my energy and expel even more negativity, I could physically feel my blood start to heat up, my senses become super focused and turn to a fervent animal like state.
The biggest ah-ha moment was when I moved in with my boyfriend and all of his noises during allergy season (which we are once again upon right now). How could someone that I loved also be the source of so much frustration? The way I would treat him was simply put: mean.
I realized getting agitated was my choice. I was lacking in a lot of empathy. I was being selfish.
In fact, in all of these scenarios with the woman chewing her gum on the subway, the poor boy with allergies in my math class, I was just being unempathetic and selfish. Unable to own my part in the encounter, before I was just the victim. Living with someone who was able to verbalize how I was making him feel, I realized, I was not only the recipient in these situations, I was also the giver. What was I giving off in all of these scenarios? Well, I don't know but it was certainly nothing I would want.
We have all been there. Mine may be a bit more extreme, but these feelings of frustration or even anger often happen when something feels out of your control, is an attack on your credibility or feels as though it is an obstacle to you- i.e. your co-worker took credit for your work, you are questioned about your validity, you are not chosen for the job you feel you were entitled to. This state of emotion is part of what makes us human and more importantly-animals.
How can we opt for more choice? How can we make a concious decision of how we let our surroundings and happenings affect us?
Here are the things that I practice when I sense a game-changer:
1. Take a deep breath
2. Decide how I want to feel, own your part in the interaction, empathize. You are giving those around you energy too, what do you really feel they deserve?
3. Give what you want that person to recieve and feel the way you want to feel. You will :).
When we shift the focus off of how we instinctively/emotionally want to react, we can shift it towards how we want to feel.
We all have buttons that can be pushed, that are often paired with feelings of helplessness and frustration.
How do you deal with them?
