Learning to Dance Again

joy.play.fun.love.light.excitement.curiosity.wonder.possiblity.

What comes to mind when you read these words?  They sound good right?! Are these feelings a part of your life in this moment?

You could read hundreds of blogs and listen to hundreds of speakers talk about how to cultivate more joy in your life! I believe there is value in every approach to bringing more into your life, but I want to offer a side of something that might be more simplistic.

Generally I am a happy person, but complaining and being negative can at times be a lot easier. There is nothing like having someone to wallow with in a pile of shit when it's needed, but no one wants to live in a swamp! Those negative energies are going to keep pulling you into the muck and mire, to the point where you can't even identify what's coming from where anymore, but you already knew that.

The hope from me writing this is that you can identify who you are being for yourself and those around you. That you will strengthen your ability to realize where feelings are coming from and if you should act on them.  That you will have a more fluid and peaceful experience with yourself and others, most of the time!

I recently had a reminder of how easy it is to bring joy back in for others. I simply chose it.

What happened?
Upon a recent trip to the Cape I met an 80-year-old man in Falmouth. We started chatting with him at a cafe and it led to a Samba lesson.  Dan says that the key to longevity is fun and levity (something that we all inherently know and feel, yet all too often ignore because the demands of society don't typically celebrate them). "Everyone else my age looks crumply and gangly... that would have been me too if I hadn't started dancing 20 years ago!" Stress cripples us and if we don't make an effort to counter it, we are victims of our own demise. I want to be clear that I don't think productivity is a bad thing, but when it rules your life... re-evaluation is needed.

On the same day as the Cape trip we ended up at my parents house in Massachusetts for dinner. My sister was coming over with her boyfriend, my mom & step-father, two friends, fiance and little brother were all there. We were chatting and occassionally checking our iPhones- but it wasn't as fun as childhood family gatherings were from what I could recollect. Particularly during the holidays where childhood memories were very fond, I tend to really resist the idea of growing up. We talked about having more fun, what does work/life balance really mean? It is the never-ending question. One thing was for certain, at that moment we were craving more FUN.

What did we decide to do? 
Dance. We plugged in the music, turned up the bass and moved all the furniture out of the dining room. We danced for a few hours, sweating, laughing and really enjoying our time together.

My little brother who loves his video games and rarely can be pulled away from devices, was overcome with excitment to bounce around with us! He loves to play with his big sisters and dance with mom! This is a side that he rarely experiences with so many loved ones at one time. It was sheer joy! My step-dad even came in to join! He isn't really a dancer (sorry Fil!) but it was contagious joy and excitement for the whole family. A bonding experience in which words weren't necessary. At the end of the dance party my mom said to me: "I haven't had that much fun in at least two years." For me this was the most wonderful thing to hear. My mom works incredibly hard at her job and she does well for herself. I worry though about my parents and them not taking enough time to enjoy their lives. It seems for this age group "work-ethic" is well-defined and deeply engrained in their minds.

It wasn't me who created all this fun for my family, but I didn't stop it from happening.  Being more open and light-hearted with situations that I generally have an agenda in (i.e. convicing my mom why she needs more organic, my sister why she needs to update her LinkedIn, etc.) allowed the event to occur.

The crazy thing that is so true for most of us is: when we are invested in people the most, such as our families we tend to be the most rigid and persistent. When the stakes aren't so high, with strangers, friends etc. we generally listen more and push less.

Having fun with people I care about most!

Who have I committed to being?
FUN.
I have a tendency to talk about serious issues that concern us as global citizens. Perhaps you have heard me talk about something that alarmed you. I have witnessed my provocation cause anxiety and anger.  I still believe in all of these things and I think it is important to inform people who are ready to hear it. However, instead of bombarding stressed and anxious people with my concerns as an informed citizen, I have decided I am simply going to create a space of levity for them to communicate with me in.

Realize when you have a gift.
Deeply sensitive people notice subtle behavioral and energetic shifts.  Feedback is collected whether it is invited or not.  This magnetism could drag you down the path of exhaustion if you try to heed to its command absorbing everyone elses problems. You already know what I am about to tell you, but begin to re-realize that you can help guide the situation into a space of possibility.

Begin by drawing a bubble. Understand that you choose what comes in and what goes out. You have your beliefs and others have theirs, it doesn't mean these beliefs dictate your sentiments for someone per-say.

Disarm yourself. If someone has beliefs which challenge yours, decide what outcome you want from the communication. Do you come from abundance or deficit?  Envision the ineraction that you want with this person and see what is possible in the moment for the relationship.

Easy does it. 
I have been the perpetrator of "too much fun" and I have used it as my excuse and escape mechanism. Fun has been the reason for me not pushing hard enough, or so I told myself.  I wouldn't go after the next step in my career or I would turn down a growth opportunity because I didn't think it would be fun. The reality of this was that I was afraid. I was afraid that if I took on a new challenge it would take up more time, more brain power and leave less for me to enjoy. I was afraid I would fail.  My motto in life was and still is "if we aren't having fun, what's the point?"

What can we all do?
Wake up to how you feel. Fun and play is an integral part of the human existence. Make sure that you have a healthy relationship with fun. Just like anything else, too much of a good thing is a bad thing.

With that being said: 

1. Small step: Have a dance party next time that you have a family gathering. Do you have the guts to strut your stuff in front of people who care about you? Talk about an exercise in overcoming fear! Do it!  Feel how good it feels and remember the feeling, bring more into your life.

2. Medium Step: Put your personal beliefs aside. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to see the same way that they do. Can you see beyond the surface? Are you able to keep your belief pushing at home for a day? Show your parents and your siblings how much you care by actively listening, practicing non-judgement and feeling empathetic for their unique situation. Next time your ___ makes a comment about__ _ that gets you going, take a deep breath, listen, process and then respond if it is even necessary. It isn't your duty to change hearts or minds, it is only to be loving. 

3. Big Step: Commit to who you want to be. Generally we all want to be LOVED. Doesn't it feel so good to make someone laugh or smile? Why are we skirting around the person that we want to be? Does it feel too big, too impossible to be a beacon of happiness? Reactivity, judgement and anger are all emotions that hold us back and serve as excuses for not doing our highest good. Step into who you really are, that is the person you know you want to be! 

Dancing with friends! Bachata Night

Xoxox
Liz

From the Intent to Action.

Recently I took on a role working for Citizens for GMO labeling.  This has brought me the closest to politics and true activism that I have ever been.  For a long time I avoided becoming an activist even though the missions and dreams inspired me.  The issue was that being a very sensitive person, I felt that there was too much hatred on the front lines and thought I wouldn't be able to handle it.  I know by now that I am not really a fighter.  Aggressive conflict feels uncomfortable and unnatural to me. I have learned that being a better listener, more self-aware, deeply empathetic and compassionate, it really mitigates the amount of aggressive conflict that I have to deal with.

My yoga practice is a vital part of my self-care to this day. I
 take time daily for myself to connect, meditate and imagine.

I will commend the many great fighters who have made change. There are certainly times when it may be neccessary to fight.  At this moment however, it seems that there is a grand shift occurring in the world around us; many new-agey types call this shift the "New Paradigm".  What does the New Paradigm actually mean?  My understanding of the New Paradigm: Our old ways of being are unsustainable and not delivering the results we deeply desire (to be seen, heard, felt and to give and receive love). It's time to give the old ways to boot and wake up to who we really are and what world we really want for all living beings and creatures.

At our first ever training for CFGL. 

When I first started exploring the idea of accepting this role, I thought the only way to win was to be aggressive and join in the hatred against the many corporations that run our world. I have known activists who are ugly with hate, who have become outraged in violent ways when they don't accomplish their mission and burn themselves out by being ineffective. This hatred was not helping me accomplish the dream, to contribute in revealing the more loving world that does exist in all of us. What shifted my heart were the people involved. My organization is one that is full of loving leaders who share the vision of the better world we see possible.

We are moving into the language of abundance and giving those who have done wrong the opportunity to shift to better business practices. Think of this example: You are fighting with a partner or a friend and the yelling back and forth results in exhaustion and resentment that doesn't usually end well. The shift seems to occur when one or both decide to step back, take a breath and realize the commitment to nurturing the relationship - where the desired results live.

Everywhere you look folks are commenting about the change occurring. Activists and movements are shifting away from conflict and more towards solutions—it can't always be us vs. a corrupt corporation, us vs. evil empires, us vs. dastardly politicians. It can all too easily become an obsession which will lead to burn out. The shift is towards the greatest good:  realizing humanity. At the root of all these evils there are men and women who make decisions based off of their own experiences. When we re-humanize all of the issues, it boils down to very simple things. Where's the humanity of these decision makers and how can we bring it back, or take their ability to do harm away?

There are two possibilities that come to mind for me:

Situation 1: If these people realize their own humanity and role, they will want to move towards a better future. They will truly want to be the solution to the problems in which they have created or contributed. This takes an enormous amount of courage on their part to admit their wrongs and commit to moving forward in a way that serves humanity. It also requires a great deal of compassion on the activist. Can we forgive things we previously deemed unforgivable?

It begs of you to take a deeper look at yourself and where you want the energy of our world to go: abundance (love) or deficit (fear). How would you choose to contribute to the world, by celebrating their realization of humanity? or continuation of hatred? Your sentiment matters. Your friends, family, community and planet are affected by what you are putting out there.

Situation 2: If the parties that are plaguing the world have absolutely zero desire to realize a better existence, we must expose where the corruption/harm/evil lives. Evil hates the light, because it wants to hide in the dark. Our job is to take our big flashlight of humanity and shine it bright and clear on the truth.

Where are we at?
I haven't retreated from the good fight. I am just trying to be more effective. By choosing forgiveness and compassion for all people both my "enemies" and my friends, I experience less conflict in my life, less anxiety, less toxic thoughts. As a result, I’m so much happier!

We must explore the idea of non-duality here. None of us are good or bad, black or white, we are all cut from the same cloth. The way we manifest ourselves is with an unlimited amount of different expressions.

When we embrace the idea of non-duality, we can live in a place of serentity and joy. It is a long and arduous journey for some, but eventually we realize that everything and everyone has a "good" and a "bad". Most importantly we realize that we each have positive, negative and indifferent aspects which make you unique. We must dance with these realizations to work as best as we can to fulfill as much of our purpose as possible. When you accept this, you will find more patience and peace in dealing with the outside world and with yourself. When we act from a place of acceptance of all these things we are flexible and free.

Accept yourself as you are: positive, negative and all that's in between... but continue to develop yourself to the greatest good. This is possibly life's greatest paradox.

I've seen too much now to not act. My travels educate me time and time again.
You get to a point where you can't just sit back and watch anymore.  

There is something in every one of you that waits and listens
for the sound of the genuine in yourself.
It is the only true guide you will ever have.
And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life
spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls...
- Howard Thurman -