Learning to Dance Again

joy.play.fun.love.light.excitement.curiosity.wonder.possiblity.

What comes to mind when you read these words?  They sound good right?! Are these feelings a part of your life in this moment?

You could read hundreds of blogs and listen to hundreds of speakers talk about how to cultivate more joy in your life! I believe there is value in every approach to bringing more into your life, but I want to offer a side of something that might be more simplistic.

Generally I am a happy person, but complaining and being negative can at times be a lot easier. There is nothing like having someone to wallow with in a pile of shit when it's needed, but no one wants to live in a swamp! Those negative energies are going to keep pulling you into the muck and mire, to the point where you can't even identify what's coming from where anymore, but you already knew that.

The hope from me writing this is that you can identify who you are being for yourself and those around you. That you will strengthen your ability to realize where feelings are coming from and if you should act on them.  That you will have a more fluid and peaceful experience with yourself and others, most of the time!

I recently had a reminder of how easy it is to bring joy back in for others. I simply chose it.

What happened?
Upon a recent trip to the Cape I met an 80-year-old man in Falmouth. We started chatting with him at a cafe and it led to a Samba lesson.  Dan says that the key to longevity is fun and levity (something that we all inherently know and feel, yet all too often ignore because the demands of society don't typically celebrate them). "Everyone else my age looks crumply and gangly... that would have been me too if I hadn't started dancing 20 years ago!" Stress cripples us and if we don't make an effort to counter it, we are victims of our own demise. I want to be clear that I don't think productivity is a bad thing, but when it rules your life... re-evaluation is needed.

On the same day as the Cape trip we ended up at my parents house in Massachusetts for dinner. My sister was coming over with her boyfriend, my mom & step-father, two friends, fiance and little brother were all there. We were chatting and occassionally checking our iPhones- but it wasn't as fun as childhood family gatherings were from what I could recollect. Particularly during the holidays where childhood memories were very fond, I tend to really resist the idea of growing up. We talked about having more fun, what does work/life balance really mean? It is the never-ending question. One thing was for certain, at that moment we were craving more FUN.

What did we decide to do? 
Dance. We plugged in the music, turned up the bass and moved all the furniture out of the dining room. We danced for a few hours, sweating, laughing and really enjoying our time together.

My little brother who loves his video games and rarely can be pulled away from devices, was overcome with excitment to bounce around with us! He loves to play with his big sisters and dance with mom! This is a side that he rarely experiences with so many loved ones at one time. It was sheer joy! My step-dad even came in to join! He isn't really a dancer (sorry Fil!) but it was contagious joy and excitement for the whole family. A bonding experience in which words weren't necessary. At the end of the dance party my mom said to me: "I haven't had that much fun in at least two years." For me this was the most wonderful thing to hear. My mom works incredibly hard at her job and she does well for herself. I worry though about my parents and them not taking enough time to enjoy their lives. It seems for this age group "work-ethic" is well-defined and deeply engrained in their minds.

It wasn't me who created all this fun for my family, but I didn't stop it from happening.  Being more open and light-hearted with situations that I generally have an agenda in (i.e. convicing my mom why she needs more organic, my sister why she needs to update her LinkedIn, etc.) allowed the event to occur.

The crazy thing that is so true for most of us is: when we are invested in people the most, such as our families we tend to be the most rigid and persistent. When the stakes aren't so high, with strangers, friends etc. we generally listen more and push less.

Having fun with people I care about most!

Who have I committed to being?
FUN.
I have a tendency to talk about serious issues that concern us as global citizens. Perhaps you have heard me talk about something that alarmed you. I have witnessed my provocation cause anxiety and anger.  I still believe in all of these things and I think it is important to inform people who are ready to hear it. However, instead of bombarding stressed and anxious people with my concerns as an informed citizen, I have decided I am simply going to create a space of levity for them to communicate with me in.

Realize when you have a gift.
Deeply sensitive people notice subtle behavioral and energetic shifts.  Feedback is collected whether it is invited or not.  This magnetism could drag you down the path of exhaustion if you try to heed to its command absorbing everyone elses problems. You already know what I am about to tell you, but begin to re-realize that you can help guide the situation into a space of possibility.

Begin by drawing a bubble. Understand that you choose what comes in and what goes out. You have your beliefs and others have theirs, it doesn't mean these beliefs dictate your sentiments for someone per-say.

Disarm yourself. If someone has beliefs which challenge yours, decide what outcome you want from the communication. Do you come from abundance or deficit?  Envision the ineraction that you want with this person and see what is possible in the moment for the relationship.

Easy does it. 
I have been the perpetrator of "too much fun" and I have used it as my excuse and escape mechanism. Fun has been the reason for me not pushing hard enough, or so I told myself.  I wouldn't go after the next step in my career or I would turn down a growth opportunity because I didn't think it would be fun. The reality of this was that I was afraid. I was afraid that if I took on a new challenge it would take up more time, more brain power and leave less for me to enjoy. I was afraid I would fail.  My motto in life was and still is "if we aren't having fun, what's the point?"

What can we all do?
Wake up to how you feel. Fun and play is an integral part of the human existence. Make sure that you have a healthy relationship with fun. Just like anything else, too much of a good thing is a bad thing.

With that being said: 

1. Small step: Have a dance party next time that you have a family gathering. Do you have the guts to strut your stuff in front of people who care about you? Talk about an exercise in overcoming fear! Do it!  Feel how good it feels and remember the feeling, bring more into your life.

2. Medium Step: Put your personal beliefs aside. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to see the same way that they do. Can you see beyond the surface? Are you able to keep your belief pushing at home for a day? Show your parents and your siblings how much you care by actively listening, practicing non-judgement and feeling empathetic for their unique situation. Next time your ___ makes a comment about__ _ that gets you going, take a deep breath, listen, process and then respond if it is even necessary. It isn't your duty to change hearts or minds, it is only to be loving. 

3. Big Step: Commit to who you want to be. Generally we all want to be LOVED. Doesn't it feel so good to make someone laugh or smile? Why are we skirting around the person that we want to be? Does it feel too big, too impossible to be a beacon of happiness? Reactivity, judgement and anger are all emotions that hold us back and serve as excuses for not doing our highest good. Step into who you really are, that is the person you know you want to be! 

Dancing with friends! Bachata Night

Xoxox
Liz

From the Intent to Action.

Recently I took on a role working for Citizens for GMO labeling.  This has brought me the closest to politics and true activism that I have ever been.  For a long time I avoided becoming an activist even though the missions and dreams inspired me.  The issue was that being a very sensitive person, I felt that there was too much hatred on the front lines and thought I wouldn't be able to handle it.  I know by now that I am not really a fighter.  Aggressive conflict feels uncomfortable and unnatural to me. I have learned that being a better listener, more self-aware, deeply empathetic and compassionate, it really mitigates the amount of aggressive conflict that I have to deal with.

My yoga practice is a vital part of my self-care to this day. I
 take time daily for myself to connect, meditate and imagine.

I will commend the many great fighters who have made change. There are certainly times when it may be neccessary to fight.  At this moment however, it seems that there is a grand shift occurring in the world around us; many new-agey types call this shift the "New Paradigm".  What does the New Paradigm actually mean?  My understanding of the New Paradigm: Our old ways of being are unsustainable and not delivering the results we deeply desire (to be seen, heard, felt and to give and receive love). It's time to give the old ways to boot and wake up to who we really are and what world we really want for all living beings and creatures.

At our first ever training for CFGL. 

When I first started exploring the idea of accepting this role, I thought the only way to win was to be aggressive and join in the hatred against the many corporations that run our world. I have known activists who are ugly with hate, who have become outraged in violent ways when they don't accomplish their mission and burn themselves out by being ineffective. This hatred was not helping me accomplish the dream, to contribute in revealing the more loving world that does exist in all of us. What shifted my heart were the people involved. My organization is one that is full of loving leaders who share the vision of the better world we see possible.

We are moving into the language of abundance and giving those who have done wrong the opportunity to shift to better business practices. Think of this example: You are fighting with a partner or a friend and the yelling back and forth results in exhaustion and resentment that doesn't usually end well. The shift seems to occur when one or both decide to step back, take a breath and realize the commitment to nurturing the relationship - where the desired results live.

Everywhere you look folks are commenting about the change occurring. Activists and movements are shifting away from conflict and more towards solutions—it can't always be us vs. a corrupt corporation, us vs. evil empires, us vs. dastardly politicians. It can all too easily become an obsession which will lead to burn out. The shift is towards the greatest good:  realizing humanity. At the root of all these evils there are men and women who make decisions based off of their own experiences. When we re-humanize all of the issues, it boils down to very simple things. Where's the humanity of these decision makers and how can we bring it back, or take their ability to do harm away?

There are two possibilities that come to mind for me:

Situation 1: If these people realize their own humanity and role, they will want to move towards a better future. They will truly want to be the solution to the problems in which they have created or contributed. This takes an enormous amount of courage on their part to admit their wrongs and commit to moving forward in a way that serves humanity. It also requires a great deal of compassion on the activist. Can we forgive things we previously deemed unforgivable?

It begs of you to take a deeper look at yourself and where you want the energy of our world to go: abundance (love) or deficit (fear). How would you choose to contribute to the world, by celebrating their realization of humanity? or continuation of hatred? Your sentiment matters. Your friends, family, community and planet are affected by what you are putting out there.

Situation 2: If the parties that are plaguing the world have absolutely zero desire to realize a better existence, we must expose where the corruption/harm/evil lives. Evil hates the light, because it wants to hide in the dark. Our job is to take our big flashlight of humanity and shine it bright and clear on the truth.

Where are we at?
I haven't retreated from the good fight. I am just trying to be more effective. By choosing forgiveness and compassion for all people both my "enemies" and my friends, I experience less conflict in my life, less anxiety, less toxic thoughts. As a result, I’m so much happier!

We must explore the idea of non-duality here. None of us are good or bad, black or white, we are all cut from the same cloth. The way we manifest ourselves is with an unlimited amount of different expressions.

When we embrace the idea of non-duality, we can live in a place of serentity and joy. It is a long and arduous journey for some, but eventually we realize that everything and everyone has a "good" and a "bad". Most importantly we realize that we each have positive, negative and indifferent aspects which make you unique. We must dance with these realizations to work as best as we can to fulfill as much of our purpose as possible. When you accept this, you will find more patience and peace in dealing with the outside world and with yourself. When we act from a place of acceptance of all these things we are flexible and free.

Accept yourself as you are: positive, negative and all that's in between... but continue to develop yourself to the greatest good. This is possibly life's greatest paradox.

I've seen too much now to not act. My travels educate me time and time again.
You get to a point where you can't just sit back and watch anymore.  

There is something in every one of you that waits and listens
for the sound of the genuine in yourself.
It is the only true guide you will ever have.
And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life
spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls...
- Howard Thurman -

Leadership Part II

Once you have begun the practice of building self awareness and managing yourself, you begin to create the climate that is most suitable for leading others.

When you realize that leading others has nothing to do with your stardom, you become more successful in helping others.
 You have the awareness to identify where you are, what's ahead and what will bridge the gap. 

Moving from yourself to them:

What happens when you lead others? You have to be a constant student of communication. You study, explore and learn more about how to effectively communicate. Most communication is non-verbal and is traded through body language, facial expression and "energies" exchanged.  We now have to be hyper aware of what place we are coming from with everything we communicate. Be clear which place you are residing in: Abundance or Deficit. Your energy shapes the space for not only yourself, but everyone who is counting on you.

This is why the most important thing to ask yourself when leading others is: Who are you being in this moment?

What does standing in abundance look like? 
Draw this picture for yourself. Generally you feel open to possibility, forgiveness, change and self-expression. You are empathetic, compassionate, loving and unburdened. In abundance you find joy through helping others because you truly recognize that their success is shared success.

My friend being a great leader acting in abundance.

What are some characteristics of leading from Abundance (in no particular order)? 

1. Who's leading you? Being in the place of thinking you know it all is not only dangerous, but also impossible if you are leading yourself. Make sure that you have a circle of trusted mentors who can do the same for you, as you are doing for your people. They will offer valuable advice, see the bigger picture when you are suck and act as a sounding board as needed. You are an average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.
2. Active Listening- One of people's deepest desires is to be seen and to be heard. By doing this alone you are taking your leadership to high potential zone. With active listening, you are not waiting to chime in after each word that triggers your emotions. You are trying to sit in their experience, empathizing and being solutions focused. *Helpful tip: repeat back what you heard to make sure that you are understanding them fully! You might hear something different, or help them get clearer on what they are feeling.
3. Intention/Creating Space- Make your intention of the interaction known. You really want everyone to win, make it known you are their biggest cheerleader but that this may also require telling it how it is. 
4. 360 Vision- Practice clearly seeing where you and your group are at, where you want to be and identify Smart, Measurable, Attainable, Relative and Timely ways of getting there (SMART). 
5. Candor-Once your intention is set, you should be able to speak with candor. You can freely explore obstacles, pathways and solutions without threatening the parties involved. *This will only be successful if you are coming from a place of egolessness and abundance. 
6. Checking yourself- Bullshit and self-serving thoughts can set off radars from miles away. If you need to take the time before entering crucial conversations, then do it. The success of your team depends on them trusting you. It is imperative to be clear yourself before working with them. Get real with yourself and what the desired outcome is, why is this what we need to do? 
7. Blow your bubble-All that people have is their experience. This means they only have their experience of you.  You must trust yourself enough to create a safe space for them to give you feedback. Draw an imaginary bubble around yourself when entering crucial conversations, practice your deep breathing and stay grounded. You could put your hand on something, pay attention to where you are connected to the earth, etc. It is important to practice self-care in these moments, because if you go to the place of high emotion with them the results will typically not be ideal. 
8. Discernment-You must also be able to discern which feedback is valuable and which is coming from people who are not leading themselves. This is probably the hardest part of leadership. If you are leading, you are going to make mistakes, say things that trigger others and occassionally be a real embodiment of your primal instincts. Discernment is not to say you know better than anyone else, it just means that you really recognize how the material is affecting YOU and you are choosing if you want to let that energy contribute or detract. 
9. Investment-You are pouring yourself into your team. Make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons and that people are not taking advantage. If trust is there, gift your knowledge, your words and your thoughts with your team. This is why they are there with you, to be in relationship.
10. Concision- Communicate your point with as little room for interpretation or negative emotion as possible.  
11. Clarity- Be impeccable with your word, authentic and with great intention for all parties involved. Define and assign work to be done, including communicating with the boss and others about needs or expectations, planning, organizing, choosing people, and delegating. It's crucial!
12. Recruiting-Sometimes you are going to get lucky. You will choose who you allow on the team! Really look at who is striving, who is thriving and who is in between. Formulate the groups that will facilitiate growth. Don't be afraid to turn people away if you see that it is going to rob others of an enriching experience. It doesn't mean they are bad, it might mean they aren't ready. (This is a great time for your to practice your egoless leadership in giving feedback around the real reasons why it won't work for someone right now! Leave them in possibility.)

I highly recommend reading this book if leadership intrigues you. 

Leading others brings you into a new awareness of who we are being for eachother, creating space for others to thrive, be the best version of themselves and win! We are all responsible for leading others but depending on where we are at with leading ourselves, some will grow more quickly into the role.

xoxo

What I've Learned so Far About Leadership Pt. 1

If you are a natural leader, you might have realized by now that you rarely choose to be the leader, it just seems to happen. This can be a blessing or a curse depending on how you deal with it. I have had a lot of experiences to be a leader. Sometimes it's awesome and sometimes it is really challenging. Once I embraced my natural tendency to be a leader, I was really able to begin developing as a person.

Always be looking up, there is so much to learn and so much space to grow. 

After having taken groups abroad, led retreats locally, managed teams in many different forms: professionally, recreationally and in emergencies, I have made one very strong observation about being a leader.

The world needs more effective and egoless leaders. 

I believe that where we are stuck as a society is due largely to the fact that we don't have many effective and egoless leaders in the places where we need them.


What does being an effective and egoless leader mean?

You allow others to shine, take credit and succeed.  You trust, see the possibilites and believe in the general good nature of people. You give and create opportunities, setting people up for success to thrive because you believe in their goal and honestly never considered or gave a shit about glory. You are willing and look forward to partnering and collaborating with people. You constantly give and recieve valuable feedback. You admit when you don't fully show up, shortcome others and act out of fear.

Being a leader is tough, but if you love seeing people win, it is the most rewarding practice.

I wish to be very clear that being a natural leader doesn't make you more of a person on any hierarchical scale. In fact by being an effective leader you will allow yourself to be subjected to more criticism than most people will and it will be very difficult. This is a choice and a practice which can be developed or dissolved.

A great lesson that I was taught about leadership from my time at lululemon athletica: 

SUCCESS AS A LEADER ALWAYS COMES BACK TO WHO YOU ARE BEING.

Have you ever had a boss who always passed the buck to someone else? Who never listened to your feedback? Who had a short temper and a very obstacle focused attitude? You probably didn't feel good working for them and quickly developed the same habits of negativity, resentment which lead you to burn-out and hopefully you realizing you needed a change!

There is a very beautiful structure that many large organizations are using to define the practice of leadership. Here it is: 

The following is a combination of what I have 

learned from all of my experiences, 

some have been taught to me and some I have learned. 

The Foundation of Leadership 

Leading Self

In a way, we are really all responsible for leading ourselves. Leading self is the foundation of egoless leadership. Here you take personal responsibility, hold yourself accountable and create boundaries/values/commitments to who you choose to be. The leadership of self ebbs and flows, some days you feel particularly strong and sure of yourself, other days insecurity will force you to question yourself. 

To lead yourself you must be grounded. You are confident that you have value and purpose, but it never leads you to the belief that you have mastered anything. You have a desire to learn more, never declaring yourself as the expert (even when others percieve that you are). You don't settle for anything less than happiness and fulfillment in all aspects of your life. Here you create positive manifestations of success and wonderment. 

These qualities indicate you are leading yourself: 

1. You are aware of your ego. You know when you are taking things personally, you can discern between criticism from another persons ego, and feedback that is truly meant for you to succeed. You are aware of when your ego is driving you for good or for worse. 
2. You are a great communicator. Your words and actions align. You say what you mean from a place of authenticity. You generally don't let your anger or emotions get the best of you & when you do, you clean it up quickly. 
3. You take responsibility and own your mistakes. You are not afraid to make errors or fail. You realize that you pick yourself back up quickly, heal and keep moving forward. 
4. You always realize that you have a choice! You choose what you believe, where you are, what you do and WHO YOU ARE BEING. Opinions of others only matter to you if you decide that they do. 
5. You live in a place of opportunity. Obstacles exist but never stop you from moving forward. You are solutions focused and aways living in what is possible, not "I can't do that because...." 
6. You have integrity. You can count on yourself. You do what you say you will do when you say you will do it. You have built up a positive environment for yourself to live.
7. You are in touch with your body. You make time for self-care, you practice wellness, physically and mentally. 
8. You forgive yourself for the times when things get the better of you. You self-soothe, take time to let the negative emotions flow through you and then let them subside. You take the measures to love yourself. 
9. You have a vision. You aren't going to let life take you completely where everyone else is going. You trust your gut, set intentions and continually move in that direction. You never settle for mediocrity. 

Ask yourself honestly if any of these apply to you. Being a leader begs of you to take the deepest look at yourself and who you are being. When you have identified where you are not really practicing a part of this you get to decide how you proceed. 

I hope that this inspires you to begin leading yourself and committing to doing it every single day (if you are a true leader it will!).

The Importance of Our Work

These are heartbreaking times. Passage of the TPP, consideration of the DARK Act and the numerous additional let-downs from our legislature can lead us down a road of despair.

As activists it's okay to get frustrated, but I beg of you- don't react.

Personally, I wonder how can the people of this country be more interested in Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's new baby name than the depletion of healthy soil on our planet? Even with my beloved friends and family, I become upset when my observations don't propel them into action the way I wish it would.

There are a couple of things that I have learned from all of this and I would love to share them with you.

1. Anger accomplishes nothing other than making you feel worse.
Take the time to turn anger and frustration into empathy and understanding. Dig deeper to the human core of the issue, why are these people making decisions like this? Take our politicians off of the capital and look at them instead as a brother or sister who has let you down. Anger will fuel both of your fires to continue animosity, leaving no other solution than " death" for the opponent. Disappointment and empathy leave room for forgiveness and change. Give these folks- even your greatest enemy- the opportunity to be the good and relinquish them from their mistakes. The truth is that we have all made mistakes that in one point in time may have seemed unforgivable, but when we don't forgive the seed of poison grows into a tree of poison in your body that will diminish your capacity to feel anything but anger (which is only fear with a mask). Cut the negativity and be solutions focused.

2. Focus on the people closest and most like minded to you.
Why bother trying to convince people who aren't ready? Sometimes you have to step in closer to take a look away from the big picture so that you don't miss the magical connections and relationships happening right in front of you. What originally connects us may be a common cause, but what keeps us is love. It is a gift to be able to fInd people you can be authentic and truly yourself with, cherish that.

3. Don't lose sight of the small victories, in the end the results are up to you.
Trying to make the entire world a better place is a daunting task. Think about how different we all are and how differently we perceive the world around us. When we are able to positively impact one person around us, we both win. When we are positively impacted by someone, it works the same way.  We move with integrity and honesty and hope to influence through those means. You win, in the end you win because you are and were a good person. This is how we really change the world, through one person at a time.

4. It's ok to back off, take a break, even quit, but don't stop being you.
When you feel defeated, it is ok to let go for a while or even completely. The weight of the world is not your burden to carry. What is your responsibility is you. You know when your are living out your values and when you are not. By being you and living into your beliefs, you are elevating the world. That is enough and it is all that can be asked of you. Anything else is optional, don't worry about expectations or perceptions. We need to focus on ourselves as much as we focus on others, always coming from a place of compassion.

5. You are amazing.
The fact that you are aware of the issues and feel something about them is a gift. Don't lose that, but don't let it overwhelm you. Remember that you get to choose, because being sensitive can be a blessing or you could make it a curse.


In love & light,
Liz

Ghandi's memorial in Delhi, India. May we be a part of the peaceful resistance.

Traveling Together and Personal Development

Despite the challenges of spending 24 hours a day with someone for multiple days at a time, there is nothing that I recommend more for building relationships than travelling.

At this time in my life, I tend to go away for longer amounts of time whether volunteering on a farm, visiting family in South America or Europe, or just exploring a place. Over the past few years most of my travels have been with my fiance Mike.  Most recently I took a trip to Iceland leading a tour with my sister Emma. When you travel, you are forced to leave behind a lot of your excuses, with no where to run and nothing to do, traveling in a partnership can expose your strengths as well as your vulnerabilities.  

Here are a few learnings:  

Working through the Fighting:

Walking in the Ganges with Mike.

You will probably fight more than you are comfortable with or used to. OH MAN do Mike and I fight sometimes.  We can sometimes fight a lot. Life on the road has a way of surfacing issues much faster than life at home does. You are usually often in more uncomfortable circumstances, no routine, cramped spaces, hunger, lack of sleep can all increase your irritability. 

Don't let that scare you, in the end you get clarity. You let the issue breath, you come around and calm down. Cooler heads prevail and you find strategies for working together to prevent and keep these issues from repeating themselves. We have had tons of incidents, from forgetting the camera on the back of the chair at a restaurant to overpaying at a hotel, that usually constitute a fight.

Bottom Line: Not every fight is life or death. Sometimes it is okay to go to bed upset, when you wake up, you might see things in a different light. If you are committed to making the relationship work, not all fights are a threat to it's existence. 

Problem Solving:

Despite the inevitable panic when your passport is stolen or when your flight is cancelled and your hotel double booked your room on a day when the entire city is sold out so you have to sleep in a sketchy place, despite finding a giant bat eating spider above your head in the Amazon, you will prevail!

I have so many examples of problem solving and it's funny because problem solving could just be the granddaughter of fighting but, she has slept, feels safe and has eaten so she can operate abover her primal instincts and use her brain!

In these moments of having to work together, the focus is on one thing that you can both agree on, staying safe.

It is amazing how when you travel with someone you care about and you encounter a problem that is a threat to your well-being, you somehow seem to care more about keeping the other person safe... Maybe that is just me, but I am pretty sure my sister and my partner feel the same.

In emergency situations there is no time for the dramatic bullshit that a fight will entail. Urgency, strategy and cooperation can be found here. How do we get ourselves out of this? It doesn't matter who is at fault, this is the only question you will be asking. To be able to navigate these situations is an incredible strength of any partnership or friendship.

Bottom Line: YOU CAN NOT CREATE A BETTER TEAM-BUILDING EXPERIENCE. 

The Compromise:

Emma and I at the Skaftafell Glacier in
 Iceland after a fight the night before.

You might not truly understand compromise until you have no other option, I've never truly understood compromise until I started traveling with another person. Travel forces you to evaluate and make agreements on the most mundane and seemingly insignificant parts of your daily routine. You get really clear on who you are and how you operate. You also get really clear on what the other person needs to operate whether you like it or not.

It is in fact annoying, not being able to do what you want to do and see the things you want to see. I’ve experienced this while traveling with just about anyone besides myself. While traveling with my sister I learned that I was a bit high maintenence myself (which I thought I was the furthest thing from)! I like to wake up really early because I am excited to see the place we are in! For her, and to many others- she wants to sleep in. She has to wake up early every day in her "real life" so she savored the opportunity to rest up!

Bottom Line: These are great lessons that you will learn on how to live with another person despite their quirks (which are really just our judgements). Our true acceptance of each other’s habits will help us long after we return home.

Being by yourself.

Taking some alone time to go shopping in India!

When you spend every minute with another person, it doesn't matter how well you work together or how comfortable you feel around them.  You are going to want to get away from them, beginning to notice perhaps more than ever how important it is to have your own space. You will find yourself vying for 5 minutes of alone time. This can be a huge challenge when you are sharing a small hotel room and are in a country where you and your partner are the only two that can communicate.

There are simple things that you can do solve this. If you are in a safe place you could go for a run or walk on your own. Go to a cafe and just chill. Sometimes it means taking a real break and traveling alone for a few days or weeks. Even if all you can do is turn your backs to one another, plug in your earbuds and listen to your choice of music for 15 minutes, you've gotta do it.

We have been in places where it was not safe to go out alone and felt as if we were prisoners to our hotel room. In these instances, we spoke about our inevitable desire to have some self-care time very candidly. Our solution in times like these is usually one of us staying in room and the other going to the lobby for at least 2 hours. We usually will come back together feeling refreshed and ready to work together again.

Bottom line: You become flexible and bit unattached. You see more clearly how you are still two individuals who work well together, but must maintain their independence to a degree. You learn to respect this space and not mistake desire for separation with doubts. 

TAKE AWAYS

In the end, traveling in groups makes your logistics easier. You don't have to try and get into a bathroom stall with all of your belongings, you don't have to try and negotiate with a cab driver who is ripping you off alone. More importantly, traveling with someone else allows you to turn off, you can give your partner a chance to lead, choosing activities and eateries, when you just want to observe and go with the flow.

Traveling with a partner is not all about disagreeing and giving in to another persons preferences.

What traveling together will provide for you: life changing experiences, amazing views that you can recall together, incredibly funny stories that you can share with your friends and your family and a true understanding of what it means to work in partnership with someone. If you can do it there, you can do it anywhere. It's personal development. 

Mike and I in Peru trekking to Machu Picchu.

When the world is spinning around you, just sit and shut your eyes.

It has been a whirlwind of two months.  Here I want to share some of my reflections on Delhi,  unexpected changes and life in general.

A whole lot of changes require a whole lot of flexibility. None of my plans to stay on a farm in India for over a month, head to Nepal with friends and then to Iceland went as intended. There were a few contributing factors to this, on the farm I got pretty ill with no sights of getting better (lack of clean water, food that I was able to eat, etc.) and of course, there was the tragic earthquake in Nepal which continues to be a concern for those involved. Despite all of this, I had to find a way to feel content and confident in the many directions that I have been moving. 

If you have ever backpacked, you know the feeling of being unsettled. I know this feeling very well, but it is much different with 100 pounds on your back at almost 28 years old then when you are 20 and anxious to meet people and see everything. After all of this commotion, Mike decided it was going to be best if he left to go back to the USA and wrap things up at home with his business and our house. I went back to Delhi because I have commitments that I needed to attend to in Europe at the end of May. 

I spent two days on my own in Delhi. I do not recommend for females to do this. Though I never felt unsafe, I took every precaution imaginable. I rode the women's only section in the train, came home before dusk, carried pepper spray and a knife and stuck to the areas that were suggested to me. Having to be so vigilant really takes away from being able to enjoy where you are. Delhi is also very dirty, you can wipe the pollution off of your face at the end of the day and your throat will most definitely feel sore. I don't mean to diss Delhi, there are some great places and great people, but you will quickly want to head out of the city and into a place that is more manageable.

On May 2^nd my friend Brittany arrived in Delhi, she has quite a story of her own. Brittany's husband was already in Nepal before the earthquake volunteering for the Himalayan Rescue Association, he had no idea of the gravity of the earthquake until a few days after it happened. Thankfully he was fine, but it really changed things. Originally the four of us (Mike, Remi, Britt and me) were going to meet up in Manang, Nepal. The details don't matter, but things changed a lot. 

Brittany changed her flight from Nepal to go to Delhi a few days before arriving, we took a chance and waited to hear more on the conditions in Nepal. It was a day to day thing, we really had to think on the fly in addition to being in a hyper-aware state of your surroundings.  We decided that we could spend a few more days in India touring the Golden Triangle which is much safer and more touristy and that I would fly out to London on May 15th on my originally booked flight back.

The only problem was that my visa was going to expire on May 5^th  and the office I needed to extend my visa at, wasn't open until the 5^th. MAY 5th WHAT A SHIT SHOW! Going to the FRRO (passport agency for foreigners) makes the DMV look like heaven.  We woke up early with all of the papers that I thought I needed and sped to the office. We had two plans- one with visa extended and one with visa denied. If we failed, Brittany would meet Remi in Kathmandu, and I would be on the next flight out to anywhere. Keep in mind we had shoddy internet access on my inconsistent Indian Airtel phone and were taking a huge risk! If I got denied and couldn't get on a flight I faced huge fines and potential jail time. 

Here is where it started to get fun :) 

We got to the office and it looked like the wall street trade room of Afghani refugees. In no way do I mean to offend anyone by that statement, but it was true. We met some great people that were trying to migrate into India from Afghanistan... but there were so many of them! The security would try and push back the crowd and they would wander straight back up to the front. Chaos, confusion and clearly frustrated employees- I knew I had a very unlikely chance of getting my visa extended. 

It failed. I didn't have the right papers, no one cared to help, the issue wasn't an emergency and certainly I had the money to buy a new ticket and fly home because I am white. No one wanted to hear the case. That was fine. Thankfully we sort of had an escape route, it's just that we hoped we weren't going to have to use it! 

We used our fitness skills to get us quickly back to the hotel. Sprinting up stairs, jumping through crowds, pushing our way to the front of lines. We were sort of laughing and smiling all the way through, every few minutes stating that we couldn't believe we were doing this right now. The poor girl just needed a break. I am so thankful that I was with her though. She is the best person to be with in this situation, when we sat in the back of the tuk-tuk, she was like "ok, let's meditate" ha! She is probably one of my only friends who could handle that without a breakdown. Resiliant and smart, she's the best.

Now I am in Milan, it was the cheapest and most familiar destination that I could have gotten to in three hours notice. After a few days in Milan I head to Portugal to stay with family.  It actually works out quite well because now I can work on planning our wedding. 

Recommendations for Delhi:

Lodging: If you want to stay out of the madness of the city and get some quiet time at night, stay in Guragaon, it is a bit out of the way but worth it in my opinion. At a reasonable price you will get clean rooms, sheets, pillows and a pool. You can easily take the tuk-tuk to HUDA City Center and ride the metro in. If you want to stay in the city, stay at the Hyatt Regency near the FRRO Office and Hauz Khas Village, go any further in to the city and you will not feel safe at night walking, in order to really enjoy where you are, I recommend staying close to Hauz Khas.

Transportation: Take a prepaid taxi from the airport to your hotel. Use tuk-tuk to get from your hotel to metro, and metro to get anywhere. It is clean, fast, cheap, EASY TO UNDERSTAND and free from pollution (do expect to wait in line and but cut in line for tickets, you must be aggressive and push your way to the front- they mostly all speak English. You will also have to go through a pointless security check point). In Chandni-Chowk go by rickshaw, they are unbelievable at navigating on their bikes, plus if you want to avoid stepping in God knows what, you should do it. Never take a bus, always keep your bags on your front side, bargain your rides they will try to charge you way more than it's actually worth.

Top Three Eating:
Karim's hotel- best food ever.
Old Jalebi Walla
Select City Walk ( has a plethora of trustworthy, clean and delicious restaurants. I recommend to go to the food court, where you buy a card and fill with rupees and use this to pay at each vendor stall- this food court puts the best of the US to shame)

Top Things to do: Go to Chandni Chowk, eat some jalebi from the “old jalebi walla”, butter chicken at Karim's and then head to the spice market for an authentic experience. Also visit the Sikh temple for the best tour of all- it is free and you get a guide, you will have to take off your shoes but it is very clean compared to the hindu temples, it was a beautiful experience for Brittany and I. Visit the Ghandi Memorial, India Gate, Red Fort and Qutub Minar. Visit Select City Walk (a mall where the wealthiest people of India shop) for a western oasis of air conditioning, clean water and food- best store here: The Good Earth. Also worth a visit is Hauz Khas Village, this is where you will find the trendiest bars, shops and restaurants. The upper casts definitely are hanging out here. Lastly if you do anything: GO TO THE KINGDOM OF DREAMS, it is like the Universal Studios of all that is India. I can't explain, just go, if you did only this while in India, you would have gotten a very westernized, but very accurate taste of all that is India.

What to buy: Camel Leather Slippers, Pashminas, Saree, Kurta, Spices- drive a hard bargain and watch out for fake Saffron- real saffrom will be 200/300 rupees per gram.